I heard that baseball spring training will begin soon. Every spring I think to myself, "I'm going to get interested in following baseball this season." The Texas Rangers are just north of me up Interstate  35, and I live in the hometown of the owner of the Houston Astros, and yet I never get around to following baseball.

The game is historic. It is really popular with some people. But "I'm just not that into it." However, I've got some ideas for enlivening baseball. Follow me on this--it's boffo stuff.

First, we need to bring baseball into the 21st Century. Hang on. We're not going to harm the game that millions of fans love. We just need to jazz it up a little in order to attract reluctant would-be fans like me. Okay, here's the first thing: I know that the big leagues use wood bats. Little Leaguers, high school, and college baseball teams use aluminum bats. When I first heard the sound of an aluminum bat meeting a baseball I thought, "Ewwww, that ain't right." The sound is supposed to be a sharp "Crack" of the wood bat against the cowhide ball. But an aluminum bat hitting the ball says, "Plink."

But wait; that sound can work for us in jazzing up baseball. The "Plink" can work for us. Instead of despising that plinking sound, let's borrow a trick from video games by adding amplification and creating a real "PLINK." And we're just getting started.

How old are the designs for baseball gloves? They're antique. Let's upgrade them to bright colors, add colored lights, and include some sound effects. Man, we're onto something here. Imagine this--a swing of the bat, an amplified "PLINK," a base hit, the shortstop snares the fly ball in his fire-engine-red glove that flashes with red LEDs upon contact with the ball, and the glove then emits an exciting "Bing-Bing-Bing" sound signifying a catch. Wow! "PLINK," whoosh, "Bing-Bing-Bing"--flashing red lights. It sounds like a pinball machine.

Outfielders would have yellow gloves, the pitcher a blue one, the catcher would have an orange glove, the first baseman green, second baseman white, and the third baseman purple. All with LEDs and "Bing-Bing-Bing" sound effects. Excitement reigns.

There's more! Each base pad and home plate will be outlined with LEDs to flash in a circular pattern round and around the base when a runner arrives. With a homerun, the lights should ''jump'' from base to base around the diamond, with home plate flashing in a series of rainbow hues. At this point, the scoreboard would fire off the obligatory fireworks, sirens will blare, and--get this--the seats in the stands will vibrate wildly in celebratory ecstasy.

Umpires get technorized too. Instead of shouting "Ball" and "Strike," they'll raise the appropriate arm and that side of his uniform will flash with colored strobe lights, green for balls and red for strikes. On top of each player's cap, we should have an infrared transmitter that activates whenever that player...uh...you know...when he scratches himself. The infrared signal will trigger a public address system soundtrack saying something like "Uh oh, Oh no--he scratched."  His cap blinks red.

Lights, sounds, sensations. Wheee. Let's remake baseball into a lifesize pinball machine or video game. PLINK. Bing-Bing-Bing. Whee. Snap, crackle, pop. I could get into that!